Friday, March 12, 2010

Play Report: The House of Lord Jourdain (part III)

Again, Lord Jourdain:

"These hounds are like nothing on Earth, lean and muscular, and large as ponies, they have black mouths and black teeth. When they bark, they breathe fire. But my visitors, they have spirit, they killed three of my hounds, and put the other two to flight. There’s nothing to do with a beaten dog, but butcher it for the servants, but that pale lady is sick with pity and she let those two run away.

"But no matter. My visitors decided to return the ground floor and then to the top story of the house, and snoop around in the bedrooms. They were finding lots of locked doors and this made them all the more curious to go where they obviously were not wanted. And then who should could sashaying down the corridor, but Landri, shaking his big ring of keys like he always used to do. Making those same jokes he’s always made to visitors who think he’s their servant, and they’re asking him for one thing or another. They don’t find their bed comfortable and want him to bring them a softer mattress. Or they think the food isn’t agreeing with them and they want a glass of water. Or like these visitors, they’ve lost track of one of their friends and think he might be inside this room with the locked door.

"These visitors however, when they saw Landri and the keys they wanted , exhibited their perfect stupidity by allowing the priest among them to puff out his chest and lift whatever holy doo-dad he wears on the chain around his neck, and “command” this tortured spirit from the land of the dead to “return to that place from which he came.” And, I wanted to say, “Excuse me, your holiness, but I haven’t let Landri have a day off in nearly 100 years. He’s not going anywhere. And don’t you want those keys he’s shaking and jangling?” Completely unnecessary. Landri wasn’t hearing it, and never did fat priest lose so much weight. After shivering at Landri’s touch, the priest cowered once more behind the warriors. The pale lady drew her sword and that was soon the end of Landri. Well, I told him to keep the door locked to my wine cellar."

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